Genuine Gumption

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"i dream of women, women in slips and in slip-shod garments, one sitting next to me coyly moving my limp hand from her spot in the soft roll of flesh buy even tho i make no effort one way or the other the hand stays there, other women and even aunts are watching- At one point that awful haughty bitch who was my wife is walking away from me to the toilet, sniffy, saying something nasty, I look at her slim ass- I’m a regular fool in pale houses enslaved to lust for women who hate me, they lay their bartering flesh all over the divans, it’s one fleshspot- insanity all of it, I should foreswear and chew em all out and go hit the clean rail- I wake up glad to find myself saved in the wilderness mountains- For that lumpy roll flesh with the juicy hole I’d sit through eternities of horror in gray rooms illuminated by a gray sun, with cops and alimoners, at the door and the jail beyond?- It’s a bleeding comedy- The Great Wise Sages of pathetic understanding that characterize the the Greater Religion elude me when it comes to harems- Harem-scarem, it’s all in heaven now- bless their all their bleeding hearts- Some lambs are female, some angels have woman-wings, it’s all mothers in the end and forgive me for my sardony- excuse me for my rut.

          (Hor hor hor)”

~Jack Kerouac, Desolation Angels

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"Japhy got out the tea, Chinese tea, and sprinkled some in a tin pot, and had the fire going meanwhile, a small one to begin with, the sun was still on us, and pretty soon the water was boiling and he poured it out steaming into the tin pot and we had cups of tea with our tin cups. I myself’d gotten the water from the stream, which was cold and pure like snow and the crystal-lidded eyes of heaven. Therefore, the tea was by far the most pure and thirstquenching tea I ever drank in all my life, it made you want to drink more and more, it actually quenched your thirst and of course it swam around hot in your belly.

'Now you understand the Oriental passion for tea,' said Japhy. 'Remember that book I told you about the first sip is joy the second is gladness, the third is serenity, the fourth is madness, the fifth is ecstasy.”

-Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums

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Toes tremble in foreign lands

ink seeps deep

into lonely sweating

shaking hands-

unknowable whys, through

muted cries, praying

Divinity, please uplift me

invisible, Kafkaesque nightmares

through fevers and seizures

mom won’t come home,

orange desert sunsets, phoenix

rising in flames, like crushed

pieces of gravel, an equal

companion with whom to travel

from cacti to mossy greens,

dry heat to snowflakes soaking

daily in rain, to these city streets

i’ve never seen, all i’ve packed

are sacks of pain, existence so

mundane, the whole thing is

a bubble, and i’m feeling it 

pop- maybe Lucy’s liquid purple

gumdrops, could make this slippery

slide unwanted ride stop, 

begging on the phone, an absurd

exhibition scribbles in frames

my mind bursting, fireworks in

flames, actors playing roles

poking space-time to open 

black holes, i wish

they’d be swallowed

from flesh to energy,

maybe then they’d see this true

Reality, Love and Light Like

waves of Tsunami, ancient land

tradition soaking in, Like blood

strangers suspicious, afraid to

grin, go within, and without will

come, actions of others can’t 

be undone, its the children i cherish

though i fear for them, remember

Mafaal, as i fall asleep, and get

back up, repetition through dulled

intuition the cosmic condition

swept under dragon rugs, secrets

vanish like little ladybugs, buried,

in a grave i lonelily dug. 

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Gumption is slipping, dripping

like crimson streamers of

liquid pain, no loss or gain

watch it drip, drip, drip down the

nowhere drain, psychic gasoline I’m

running out quick, my gumption is gone,

going, flowing away, peaceful Center

gone astray, no one knows where

i’m coming from, so i’ve got nothing

to say, time wasted, and i don’t care

bars of a cage or cell, i’m no-

where, peace tears in shreds, that

won’t tear, can’t relate, this

lonely fate, i’m stuck, a bug in

amber stone, frozen eternity

fated forever, to be alone

Genuine, Quality, the others

are blind to me, lightning

strikes them, incinerated, obliterated,

as dust they’ll see, fried

their “reality”, floating specks

rain rinsing ashes, whitewashed

decks, gleaming like water in the

sunlight, push with all my might,

lost adventures stuck in a room

dark shadows fade to shades of

gloom, one day i might, feel free

like chrysanthemum petals 

floating in tea, blowing in dust, 

like passing faces glowing in lust

take me for something, but they’re

looking at buds, bloom or wrinkle

shiver and writhe, fragrant juices

left burnt and dried, this world has

betrayed me, so i GO DEEP Inside,

am i seeing, 

God, or closing eyes to

hide?

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Barefoot a walk alone

with Moon, Yue, orange glow

street vendors, peng you, lenders of 

tobac-co, i don’t know, where the

fuck to go what to do, when 

everyone sucks, drink drink

drink more, Pu Tao or Bai

jiu, disconnected, disaffected

nihilistic, the dark side of

existentialism, i’ve lost my

meaning, Beauty slipped from

me, so i read Her stories,

wishing for songs, But her voice

is so far, Pollution masks, the

glowing stars, Losing Hope

fast- won’t last, nothing will.

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Ya Xiang tea

shop,

a great place

for all to stop,

sip, drip, sit for

a while, Luu Cha

       slurrp-

ahhh - have some

Oolong, and stay

here all day long.